If you don’t read goop, you should start! It’s a fun blog created by the ever so talented, Gwenyth Paltrow. But, if you’re thinking you will get to read some fun Hollywood gossip on this site, then you won’t be fond of goop. Took me a while before I even realized it was her when I came across it a couple years ago. Anyways, back to this post. There is an article from goop called the “Friendship Divorce” I read a few months ago, and it’s continued to stick with me. Mainly because I feel I’ve been battling this for the past year: the transformation of friendships.
I have these friendships that seem to stick around mainly because of history. You’ve known them most of your childhood. You’ve bonded closely to their families. You’ve been through many emotions and life altering events together. There were times you never felt closest to the person but now, it’s so different. Years and years go by, you change through age and experience. You see it in marriages where two people grow apart from one another. Very similar to friendships.
The History. Don’t overestimate history. It’s extremely important and rare. Those friendships should be held with a close respect because of the experiences that have been connected to each other. But how do you handle those friendships that are mainly around because of history? When you feel the only common ground you have with this individual is history. You don’t share the same thoughts about life. You can’t relate to one another about work, relationships, spirituality, communication. It’s as if converstation is hard.
The purpose of friendships are to help us grow. The best friendships I’ve ever experienced are those that changed me. They helped transform who I was, to be better and truer to myself. We are created for relationship. We crave intimacy with another. For me, a frienship means supporting growth for each other. That is why this stuggle has been very difficult. I don’t feel the growth anymore with some.
I have a close friend who I’ve known for most of my life. We have been there for each other, and invested so much time together. But I no longer feel like I am growing with this individual. I guess I need to accept the fact that this happens. Never would I want to cut her out of my life, that would tear me apart. But more than ever, I see how different we are.
Have you ever cut someone out of your life? Or have you ever had a friend that you need to create some really big space from? I’m not sure cutting out a friend is ever good advice, but I have had to diminish a friendship. When we first met, there was instant connection. Immediately we became the closest of friends, and literally did everything together. As our friendship developed over time, I slowly saw another side to her. A side that was deceptive, dishonest, and destructive. Eventually, you couldn’t trust a word she said; you couldn’t trust her intentions. I’m not sure what happened to her, or how it got to be so bad but I had to get space. I never meant to cut her out, but even over a year I have yet been able to speak to her. There is hope that we’ll connect down the road, but it will take time.
I don’t really like thinking about it. Breaks my heart.
Keep your friends close, especially those that make you mature to be a better you. Cherish the memories you’ve had with the friendships that have seem to diminish. And may I always be a true friend back, and help another grow.
** goop article about frienship: http://goop.com/journal/be/71/friendship-divorce
Images of friendship I love…